When did dating change into hanging out? When did planning and forethought cease to be a part of the equation? I’ve heard that chivalry is dead and that women killed it…. I may be inclined to believe this is true. However, I won’t be satisfied without it. I was not a part of that group that decided men shouldn’t open the door or walk on the side closest to traffic or pull out your chair or help with your coat. I didn’t have any part in that and I don’t want someone who doesn’t know these basic rules of manhood. And I won’t be satisfied with “hanging out”. I’m not high maintenance – I get ready to go in 40 minutes including shower. But I have standards. I don’t want to settle. I did that once because I thought I should, or needed to, or that I was setting my standards too high. That relationship ended in the “we don’t talk and never will, I lost my ass and all I got was this lousy sweatshirt” section of my history book. (I kept the sweatshirt. I still wear it when I paint) The one that has the blank binding so my family doesn’t see it and it doesn’t get brought up anymore.
Anyhow…….. I had been anticipating Friday night. I wasn’t overly excited (I am a practical girl) but I was looking forward. We had talked in advance, even about this very subject. It was brought up about who makes plans (the one who does the asking does the planning) what I might like to do (always good to find out if I’m afraid of heights before you take me skydiving) where I would not like to go… This last one is key. Maybe even more key that my intense fear of being thrust from a plane at frightening speed. When you live in Smalltown, USA and you are a person who socializes in the community, you tend to know quite a few people. I’m not saying I am popular or anything like that, I just know a ton of people. I walk into my local watering hole on any given night and know probably half the people there and the bartenders. Smalltown. So I did not want to go to the pub. If you are trying to get to know someone, it is hard when you can’t talk to them because everyone else is coming to say hi. So I was let down. I did have a good time. I laughed a lot, drank a little lot and felt comfortable. But I was let down. It wasn’t what I had hoped or expected. There was nothing planned, I was asked where I wanted to go (we had totally talked about my not wanting to pick) and we ended up at the pub (thus the drinking).
I am not a person that dates much. I can count the number of actual dates I have had in my adult life on 1 hand (yes 1). I’m not counting the stupid stuff you do when you are 16, even then, I’m still on 1 hand. So maybe my expectations were too high. I know it wasn’t the right guy. (we’ll be great friends, but nothing more) Maybe I’m just sad that I don’t get taken on real dates. Maybe I am looking for someone that doesn’t exist. Maybe I need help. What’s a girl to do??? Online dating is out, blind dating is out that leaves meeting people. I’m not scared.
Some of these work (even the top list…) some not so much. But you get the idea.
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Thou shalt avoid avarice like the deadly pestilence and shalt embrace its opposite.
2. Thou shalt keep thyself chaste for the sake of her whom thou lovest.
3. Thou shalt not knowingly strive to break up a correct love affair that someone else is engaged in.
4. Thou shalt not chose for thy love anyone whom a natural sense of shame forbids thee to marry.
5. Be mindful completely to avoid falsehood.
6. Thou shalt not have many who know of thy love affair.
7. Being obedient in all things to the commands of ladies, thou shalt ever strive to ally thyself to the service of Love.
8. In giving and receiving love’s solaces let modesty be ever present.
9. Thou shalt speak no evil.
10. Thou shalt not be a revealer of love affairs.
11. Thou shalt be in all things polite and courteous.
12. In practising the solaces of love thou shalt not exceed the desires of thy lover.
From The Art of Courtly Love by Andreas Capellanus
1. Marriage is no real excuse for not loving.
2. He who is not jealous cannot love.
3. No one can be bound by a double love.
4. It is well known that love is always increasing or decreasing.
5. That which a lover takes against the will of his beloved has no relish.
6. Boys do not love until they reach the age of maturity.
7. When one lover dies, a widowhood of two years is required of the survivor.
8. No one should be deprived of love without the very best of reasons.
9. No one can love unless he is propelled by the persuasion of love.
10. Love is always a stranger in the home of avarice.
11. It is not proper to love any woman whom one would be ashamed to seek to marry.
12. A true lover does not desire to embrace in love anyone except his beloved.
13. When made public love rarely endures.
14. The easy attainment of love makes it of little value: difficulty of attainment makes it prized.
15. Every lover regularly turns pale in the presence of his beloved.
16. When a lover suddenly catches sight of his beloved his heart palpitates.
17. A new love puts an old one to flight.
18. Good character alone makes any man worthy of love.
19. If love diminishes, it quickly fails and rarely revives.
20. A man in love is always apprehensive.
21. Real jealousy always increases the feeling of love.
22. Jealousy increases when one suspects his beloved.
23. He whom the thought of love vexes eats and sleeps very little.
24. Every act of a lover ends in the thought of his beloved.
25. A true lover considers nothing good except what he thinks will please his beloved.
26. Love can deny nothing to love.
27. A lover can never have enough of the solaces of his beloved.
28. A slight presumption causes a lover to suspect his beloved.
29. A man who is vexed by too much passion usually does not love.
30. A true lover is constantly and without intermission possessed by the thought of his beloved.
31. Nothing forbids one woman being loved by two men or one man by two women.
