Monthly Archives: September 2007

tonight has been way gnarly… I’m writing this after the funeral of one of our town’s most beloved bartenders. I’m also writing this after 3 (okay in real people terms 6) shots of Bushmills Irish Whiskey. So be warned my grammar may be waaay off of it’s normal mark. Whatever… This blog is actually not about any of that, it’s about me. I’m at my friend’s house. My friend that I have morphed relationships with over the last three years a couple times. I know I can’t date him and he thinks he knows he can’t date me but for different reasons. He made me feel good tonight. Better than the boy who thinks he does make me feel good – that way. But I said no. Truth reeeeeeallly hard, still said no. I’m not ready to give up on the boy. Okay, There it is.. I’ve been faithful to someone I have no commitment to for 6 months… when there is a fucking hot man that just walked out of the shower. I gotta go.

wtf mate? I think I must be an idiot. Wait, I know I’m an idiot. I got hit on by someone available, handsome, successful and entirely inappropriate. I let him because I needed it. I let him because my need to be complimented goes unfilled. I sit here watching the boy I am “dating” play video fucking golf and I could be home in bed. I could be having an intilectual conversation with said inappropriate guy. I could be reading. Hell, I could be picking my fucking nose and trying to hit targets on the wall. But nnoooo, I am watching Tiger Woods 2007 on a ginormous tv with drunk boys discussing the finer points of our father’s tv habits….. what have I done to myself??? What have I signed up for? Oh wait, I remember. I didn’t sign up I just let my idiot shield lapse and not I am laying in my frosting. Maybe I can use that to my advantage. Maybe he’ll lick that off.