Monthly Archives: January 2012

rainbows and bacon bitches

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Well, well…. it is Conversational Monday over at Becca’s little house of snark. I’ve never been very good at remembering actual things we said and I am not a fan of quoting what wasn’t said. However.. this one was captured on my IM because I forgot to update my settings. I’m not gonna lie and say I’m sad this time.

So I had a convo with a good friend I haven’t seen in a while. He is very quick witted (which is why you get no time stamps for my responses!) and all over the map. He is the co-founder of the Tri-Fecta of gus (more on that later). It’s got bacon, zombies, work, and more… It made me happy.

I would apologize for the length but fuck that, its my blog and I’ll post what I want…

Sars! howdy fine sir!!
Zimm Hola!
Sars! miss you and wifey’s faces! If you guys can’t make it Saturday we should plan a Pub date…
Zimm I’m heading out of town for a work conference and have to pick up the company owner so I probably won’t make it. But a Pub visit is always welcome : )
Sars! For sure! Maybe next week for hang time?
Zimm I will be back home Thursday. On a yummy note I have a Belgian Golden Strong* that should be ready soon.
*this is beer for those not aware
Sars! Um.., maybe I can make dinner and er, um you can um provide an adult beverage or something…. perhaps
Sars! : D
Zimm I’m  not above bringing beer to the Pub. I just make sure the Pub-stress gets some. And, I also have a nice *Class V clone from Kern River Brewing.
*again beer… hope you are getting the theme
Sars! sweet! But I was actually thinking come over and have dinner at the house… The Man does enjoy cooking and he is pretty good, not gonna lie. He really enjoyed talking to you at my party. He rarely says that kind of thing.
Zimm Cool, It is nice to have someone you can have an intelligent conversation with on a wide variety of topics. I just need to coordinate with the schedule keeper so I’m not double booking.
Sars! Whenever y’all can I would love it!! And he is a bit on the intelligent side (but he’ll never admit to it).
Zimm Stealth is always a good policy…. the way of the Ninja!
Sars! indeed… I may not look like much but I’m a pro at pretending to be a ninja.
Zimm The not looking like it is the master skill level.
Sars! that’s what I think! The trick is to wear clothes that aren’t restrictive… then if you need to flip in the air and boot someone to the head… DONE!
Zimm So you are also a student of ti quan leap. Not many learn so much so soon.
Sars! I study hard and train with masters…. I pay attention.
Sars! He’s an expensive sen-sa
Zimm But I take it he comes with benefits ; )
Sars! I am never aloud to discuss these things… He does not like it, it is not the ninja’s way… but yeah.. it’s pretty freakin awesome. He cooks, he cleans, he scrubs floors!
Zimm He is a man of many skills, I am not surprised.
Sars! He only takes one concubine, errr student at I time…
Zimm The better to hone your skills.
Sars! indeed, like a sword. It’s good stuff. ; )
Zimm All sorts of inappropriate sword comments are floating through my head and making it hard to concentrate on my work.
Sars! hehe, that’s why I left that there and did not proceed. I could have gotten gross!
Zimm I like the Hitchcock method plant some seeds and let the other persons imagination run with it. The results are usually spectacular.
Sars! indeed.. I’m learning these things. Although my writers block is really becoming a pain
Zimm Have The Man pick you up by the feet and swing you around until stuff comes out. Then sort through it and look for the gems.
Sars! that’s one way of doing it.. or we’ll be sorting through my lunch and I’ll be blacked out and remember nothing at all. Maybe I could lay on the bed and tap one side and see what comes out the other… sift through the ashes, because this job is killing me for real!
Zimm I have found if I leave my soul at home they can’t suck it out of me when I get to work.
Sars! bahahaha
Sars! I think I need to try that!
Zimm It is the only way I have survived this place for almost 10 years. Then you and your soul have something to talk about when you get home. Just don’t leave a credit card and the internet on or you will get weird things in the mail.
Sars! That is brilliant! Now I know why I got an angry birds keychain, a copy of the snuggiesutra and a pair of diabetic socks from amazon. The little bastard. I think it may need a kennel.
Zimm Make sure to put a toy in there or it will chew the bars.
Sars! cong with pb
Zimm good choice nutrition and entertainment!
Sars! He (I think my soul is masculine – kinda like a car) needs to be powered up. The weekend is coming
Zimm Go stand in the sun, it is kind of like solar panels.
Sars! Will I make the windows or mac powering up sound when I’m at full power?
Sars! Kinda like Wall-E, I need to know what to expect.
Zimm If all goes well sunshine will shoot out of your belly button at half power and your ears at full power.
Sars! But will rainbows shoot out my ass?
Sars! That would be entertaining, and make up for the shitty work week all at once
Zimm Only if you forget to clench.
Sars! Well sometimes, even a proper girl such as myself needs to er let loose?
Sars! you know… rainbows and kittens bitches…
Zimm Just clear your path before you do to prevent harm to innocent bystanders. Unless there are vampires then fire away.
Sars! Is this something new? Do ass rainbows kill vampires?
Zimm Concentrated UV light, the vampire council has been trying to suppress this info for years.
Zimm It will also repel the Goth, way too much happy.
Sars! hhhmmm, I must investigate. If ass rainbows repel goth and kill vampires, what will it take to kill zombies? This could be the answer to the apocalypse! Unless I have to swallow real bullets… That shit ain’t happenin
Zimm Not sure it might buy you time or backfire (pun intended) and draw them to you. Only test in a controlled environment. Even cute zombies will eat your brain.
Sars! yeah… I think I’ll let people far more badass than myself test that out.
Sars! And I think people with wet-brain may be good candidates
Zimm Just follow the rules from zombie land and you will be OK.
Sars! I fully intend to.. Witchita would never have gotten my gun with her little scheme.
Zimm Is wet-brain what happens when you try to scrub memories from you brain and forget to towel dry? Never put your brain in the dryer, it will shrink.
Sars! nope… it’s when you drink non-stop for umpteen or more years and have no idea what’s goin on… I’m wondering if  Zombies will even eat those brains?
Zimm Only the ones that were alcoholics before they turned.
Sars! that’s what I was thinkin.
Zimm No one is safe from the zombie apocalypse!
Sars! I was tryin…
Sars! Maybe disguise? Skin suit ala buffalo bill?
Zimm I think that is just like wrapping yourself in Bacon. It just makes you yummy.
Sars! bahahahahaahah
Sars! I always say everything is better with butter bacon or beer!
Zimm Off to play in the bushes, beware the zombies!
Sars! beware of rainbows…

 

the doodle effect

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So my first post of 2012 isn’t your typical first, but then again none of my firsts ever really have been. This isn’t a post full of resolutions, probably because I don’t make those. Really… who wants to spend a month trying to convince yourself to do shit, nine months in forgetful bliss (save the occasional asshat that reminds you of those extra 15 whatever’s), a month justifying to yourself and the world why you didn’t quite see your plans to fruition, and another month deciding how to tweak that shit so its easier to do next year. All in hopes of avoiding the inevitable failure hangover that happens just before new year. You know, that moment when you wake in a drunken haze resolving never to do that shit again… after you read all your sent texts and piece together what it is you are resolving not to do. Why put myself through all that shit? I decided years ago… ‘not gun doo-it’ (says with pursed lipped smile). Instead I opt for the ‘rules to live by’ approach. And… I keep it simple, I only have two rules. Now, there are many things that I have learned over the years that I try to remember when shit hits the fan, but really there are only two rules and no resolutions necessary.

1. Have respect for yourself.

Makes sense to me. Its a building block to becoming a good person and everyone I associate myself with wants that. I am consistently shocked by the number of people who don’t have any concept of self-respect. And please, don’t confuse self-respect with self-esteem. I know people who treat their bodies and minds with the utmost respect but lack the self-esteem to to open a jar for fear they’ll offend it. Self-respect is treating yourself correctly, like the amazing human being you are. We all fuck up. But when we do, having respect for ones self means knowing that it was a mistake, it is ultimately fixable. Even if its really bad, and I’ve done really bad. Respecting yourself doesn’t guarantee you get the outcome you thought you wanted, but it does mean you understand you are human and you fucking rule. You will continue moving forward, owning your shit… smellin like roses or not.

2. Have respect for others.

Once again, makes sense to me! I grew up with respect your elders rule in place and there was no questioning that rule. Now as an adult I’ve learned to recognize for myself whether or not an elder keeps my respect, or anyone for that matter, but everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt until you find out otherwise. The woman living in subsidized housing that has a nice car, while you drive a pile o’ shite, may not be milking the system like you think. She could be a single mother who is raising a son with a very rare disease. So that nice car was her whole family’s way of saying ‘we want to make sure you have a reliable way to get you kid where he needs to go’. The opposite is true as well, to be sure, but who are we to judge? Who are we to treat someone with disrespect when we know nothing of them? This seems like a pretty simple concept, respect others, but there are so many that have no clue. Respecting others is part of being a grown up and something to teach those whose small minds we have been charged with shaping.

As luck would have it, respect for others goes hand-in-hand with respect for yourself. In learning to treat yourself with respect, you will be more apt to treat others in kind. (funny -slaps forehead- makes perfect fucking sense to me) Sadly these are learned by observation then practice. You can’t find them in a book and you can’t purchase them with any amount of money and you can’t give them or have them given to you as a gift. So rather than resolving to spend my 2012 on a quest to better my body, or drink more water, or be a better friend, or say something nice every day, or write more, or whatever… I will continue moving forward learning each day to treat myself with respect and have respect for others. In reality don’t all the things we resolve fall into one of those categories anyway?

On a side note, if you asked my nephew what my rules are, he would tell you with out hesitation: respect myself and respect others. (he would probably roll his eyes) But he would also say “and don’t bleed on her watch, she’ll have a bad day”. I have no bloody watches.