Some days I look at my knuckles, bloodied from scraping the bottom of my barrel, and ask the same questions I asked so many times before… Where did my positive energy go? How did this happen? How did I let it get so low? Did I blow a fuse on the idiot light for my positive energy meter? I am left wondering how long the cycle continues until I figure out how to change the course.
We all have a cycle of life that we can follow blindly or change as we go along. I think sometimes I get so comfortable in the motions that I don't pause to realize I'm not comfortable with the motion. I get in my groove of doing everything I can to make everyone around me happy and am blind to the fact that I'm not happy. I'm that girl. (no, not that girl) the girl that doesn't pause to look at the details when there is something that someone needs, the one that will spend all that she has getting things for others and then realizing she left herself with $20 for food for the next 2 weeks. And i'm that girl that will laugh, cry, hurt, love, be happy, sad and angry with you. It's easier than doing them for me. I'll let my tears fall silently and sting my cheeks before I let you know my barrel is empty of energy.
So I'm looking for the way to change the cycle. To continue being that girl that cares for, and takes care of, the people I love but not at the price of depleting my barrel. I will find it. I've started working out, so you know I've been cycling and jogging and getting in shape. I've changed the fuse for my idiot light. And while I'm hovering a lot lower than I'd like, my knuckles aren't bleeding. I can't touch the bottom quite yet. This is a better place than usual. And I'll keep pushing myself toward a new cycle. (maybe a cruiser this time or a road cycle- we'll see what mood I'm in) Until I find it, I think I'll buy a box of fuses and maybe wear gloves.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
