In the world of social networking everyone has these stupid profiles and we’re supposed to summarize ourselves in a couple lines or a maybe a paragraph. I’ve long used the line I am deeply affected by the little things but try to pretend I’m not. I have a hard time relaxing and being silly. It’s just not my first instinct. This is probably why I end up stressed out, walking down the street looking at the ground rather than the sky. Most days I can’t let go long enough to freefall. Can’t ever have that free feeling of looking at the clouds without worry about tomorrow, or the next hour. A month ago there was a secret on postsecret that hit me where I lived and made me think about these things:
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| From Blogger Pictures |
I was in a place of flux in my life – still am. Walking down a craggy sidewalk I thought I left behind years ago. Sometimes it’s just like that… you walk along carefully trying to avoid the cracks in the sidewalk, trying to keep yourself from falling off the earth and it happens anyway. There is the feeling of terror that comes from freefall and being weightless, the feeling of wait, I can’t do this again (or is it just the adrenaline??). The whole reason you were avoiding it in the first place… the thud and you hit your head on the curb. Why is it expected? Why can’t freefall be the goal? Why can’t the unexpected be the expected. Why not walk on every crack to see which one will open up and swallow you whole? I struggle daily with loss and the whats and whys of it all. And maybe it’s really just this simple. Maybe it’s about looking for the banana peel or just chancing that I’ll break my mama’s back. Maybe falling is the key to accepting.
