pum-bump, pum-bump… that kind of throbbing heart beat sound when the pressure builds and you feel like your skull’s gonna explode. That’s that noise I’m hearing in my head right now on top of the crackle of the muscles in my neck tightening. And it can’t be good when your shoulders are touching your ears… Can it? (I was not born like that) I find myself on that coaster again today but someone pushed the button for hyper speed. Then threw in a twisty section just to see if the top of my head would actually pop off. I feel like my chi crashed into the psycho’s feng shui and caused a crack in the space time continuum. The gaping hole has sucked up the tickets I got her to grumpy-old-folks land. They were in the box with the batteries and toys…. You know it can never give you bad karma to give someone else the gift of bob. Maybe it will improve her outlook on life and she won’t need so much shui. Maybe it would just occupy some of her free time and she wouldn’t need to spend so much of it throwing grease on my tracks. Maybe I shoulda put some weed in there too. I’m not usually a fan, but I can make exceptions.
Anyway, along my coaster tracks was a Lawyer. Lawyers can be good when you need to know the rules as they apply to you. They can help or they can be the ones to push the speed button. He didn’t, but he could have… oh so easily. He said, to paraphrase, you’re totally right! She is psycho!. Okay, not exactly but I am right and she can’t impose her feng shui all over me. I have a right to … a-hem (clears throat) “implied covenant of quiet enjoyment” in my place of tenancy. I love big words and legal speak!! I (that’s me for those not following along) have the right to quiet enjoyment…. hhhhmmmm When have I had this, oh yeah, I haven’t. Very nice. Also learned that I have no lease. Nope, just a rental application. I agreed to sign a lease. But I have no lease… just a verbal agreement (remember the “talk” – you know about my entertaining, where we said we’d give it a month) for month to month. At this point I thought my coaster was slowing down and I was gonna be climbin out. A-no. Have I learned nothing??? The super-vomit-inducing-whirly curve comes right when you relax!!!! Every time!!!! I got back to a 3 day notice… Oh Lawyer…. whadoIdoooo??? “accept her offer”, in writing making it a legally binding contract. Now she has to keep up her end and show me the money. Because really, how dirty can I be when I’ve been there all of 86 hours. Whooooo,whoooo, weeeeeeeeeee
The breakneck speed continues but the whirly curve did not make me vomit. I’m in a tunnel right now and I don’t know what’s on the other side. Maybe another whirly-curve. Maybe drop off. Maybe it’s one of those water tanks that absorbs all the force and splashes and takes your picture. Or maybe it just rolls to a stop at the platform. Or maybe it’s some new fung shui (what does that look like so I can jump before I get there)
