As I start the downward decent to my last days at my job I am feeling totally overwhelmed. I had no idea this would be. I figured I’d be excited, which I am, but I am also plagued with my desire to be a good person. Why can’t I slack off? Why can’t I leave things un-done? Why do I feel the need to leave everything with nice little “Martha” style bows on top. They can’t even be that cheap curling ribbon you by at the drug store, they have to be a really nice fabric. I look at my desk and the piles of papers and I don’t even know what I’m looking at. I see my “in-boxes” and they are all full. My list of things to do keeps growing and I still work late when I’m out of here next week. Who does this?
I should be frantically searching for work. The bills aren’t going to magically start paying themselves. My gas tank isn’t going to be full on it’s own. But I can’t or won’t or whatever because by the time I leave here I’m thrashed. I don’t want to talk to people, I don’t want to see anyone, I just want some down time, but I never seem to get any. I’m still the reliable person who does what I should and what everyone wants. I thought it would get easier.
I am thankful to be leaving this place of negativity. I am thankful to have sunshine. I am thankful that the people I care about in this place are still going to be in my life when I leave. For today I guess that’s enough
