blown and tossed by the wind

When I was church girl central (way back in the day – takin waaay back) I would study the bible in search of the answers to the whys; why I was having the shit storm rain on my head (okay I wouldn’t have said it quite like that), why things were happening the way they were and why I couldn’t fix things no matter how hard I tried. I would study and study. My favorite book was James. Now before you click the little x in the corner and decide I’ve jumped off the deep end, give me a minute (encyclopedia… you know this means you :) because I know this seems crazy. Especially since I’m fond of sharing my mantra for life “…don’t mourn the past or fret about the future but live each present moment wisely and earnestly”, that’s how we should live and it will all fall into place… well, that’s what I say now. But then I would read James’ words to try and comfort myself.

(basically from memory – though I did check myself for accuracy) James 2-8 (NAS) Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.

There is also a version called “The Message” that is written in regular english, like we speak sort of.

2 -4Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith-life is forced into the open and shows its true colors. So don’t try to get out of anything prematurely. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficient in any way.

Either way they both say the same things… That I’m supposed to be stoked that shit is goin crazy and rely on something/one unseen to make it better. I should actually be happy knowing that in the end I was going to be glad I had gone through a forest fire with a garden hose. The reality is we just don’t look at it from that perspective. We don’t think about loving the shit storm, we just want it to be done. We don’t think about what we’ll learn or who we’ll be on the other side, just that it sucks in the moment. Maybe the book some cling to as truth (I certainly did) and some consider fiction and some don’t even consider can give the occasional insight if you know what to look for. I don’t think I’m near the end of the “trial”, but I think I’m glad I’ve gone through whatever you want to call it… this learning experience. I’ll be a better, more rounded person. I know that if I can recognize the flaws of this go ’round maybe I won’t be destined to repeat them. again. But I have to say… I’m frickin thankful enough already. I’ve got thankful comin out my ears and I’m ready to learn about something new. Perhaps something that’s toughest moments are deciding what to make for dinner and whether to drive the beemer or the range rover. Hardly realistic. But hey, I found those glasses…