Category Archives: Music is Love

musical tourettes

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I’m not sure about you, but anytime I sit down to write, or read, or cook, or clean, or pick my eeer um movie… anything for that matter, in my head there is a song… I call it (for those of you new to my world) my mindpod. And when the little jack thingy isn’t pushed in all the way, and random lyrics suddenly escape through my piehole as the chick drops off my pay stub -think Johnny Kemp ‘just got pay-ed, Friday ni-eet. Party’s jumpin.. Feelin riiite..’ yeah, totally went there. no. I really went there a couple weeks ago. And the best part is only one person in my office was old enought to have heard that song so I had to send a link to the youtube video to several of them (the ones I like enough anyway) So it then becomes musical tourettes without the odd twitching. Its a family thing the musical tourettes, my brother’s version has lots of obscure punk and my moms has a lot of Eagles, Mama’s & Papa’s, and Little River Band and my sister’s has a lot of well shit, yeah, not gonna lie, it has shit. Then I take a amalgamation of all of them, including the shit, and just spew lyrics at random all over you when you least expect it.

So the last few weeks, the mindpod has been on overtime. But in an I’m-gonna-shufle-you-into-the-recesses-of-shit-you-forgot way. Hence the Johnny Kemp. Today and as I made my way to the barstool, er writing desk, I found myself in a Tom Petty time warp. Nope, not Mary Jane, though maybe that would calm the shit in my head yo, and not American Girl, though I could use some lotion right now. Nooo, I had Refugee… nothing to do with anything at all!! I haven’t even heard that song in for-fucking-ever. Well, the mindpod doesn’t lie so maybe my bipolar sensibilities are trying to tell me something? Or maybe it’s ADD. Because just as I decided I needed to figure out why I was trying to live like a refugee, I no longer felt the need. What the fuck yo??? I need refuge! Shelter! Something, I certainly need calm, Xanax maybe? Is my prescription current? I was at the drugstore. hhmmm. then as soon as it came to my mind, the car was on (it actually started which was a feat in and of itself) and the pod did a mad shuffle and threw me into a totally different place entirely …

“Take a drive baby up the coast, yea highway 101
I’ll pass Ventura and Santa Barbara too, just as fast as my motor runs
Gotta pocket full of memories, some happy and some are sad
Gotta girl standin’ by my side through the good times and the bad
Follow the palm trees under the California sun
I believe in love now, I believe in love again”

Now that’s better. I need a break! Work, life, work. I need to get away and take a drive! Take refuge!!! Holy shit, I’m not crazy and my mindpod did not blow a fuse. Excellent!

See you had this fear I injured my funny bone in a freak pizza tossing accident or my sarcasm font had been disabled, Fear Not! I merely took a break from my usual ranting and shit to contemplate the direction my roller coaster has been veering. Its not always easy adjusting to the sudden gee force changes that come with the bi-polar express ticket. I’m going for a ride this weekend.

yay.

not a resolution

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Sitting at the pub while the man read the paper, I wrote what I thought was a decent post for today. I actually put it down on real paper with a pen and everything. But as is par, on my way home I got sidetracked. When I turned on the car and headed back, it took a few to realize there were no sounds coming out. I was deep in thought about a friend of mine and the bull shit she is being forced to deal with right now. So I turned up the volume…

“Just don’t waste all your years
Believing in the fear
You’ll choke out what’s alive and make
What’s wrong be all that’s real


I can see you’re weakened at the seams
And trying to swim upstream but can’t find a way”

It didn’t actually take the whole verse for me to know the song. Hell it didn’t even take more than a couple words. My friends face was flooding tears to my eyes because the whole song was in my head. I had to re start the song.

“…


I’m sure you’ll learn to dance and drink and dream
But you might still feel lost


And I see myself in you my friend
But I would break where you would bend
I’m calling on what you defend and tonight I won’t hold back”


This song has significant meaning to me and honestly got me through some darkness. But hearing it now, all I could think of was my friend and her life. I could see her over the last few months and how the fear and stress has built upon itself layer by layer. I see her fighting in a constant swim upstream to keep what’s most important to her. I thought of how hard she works to prove to some douchenozzle what the rest of us already see, how he fights her and threatens her and uses fear as a tool to manipulate her. Fear is a powerful tool.

“Just don’t waste all your years
Believing in the fear
You’ll choke out what’s alive and make
What’s wrong be all that’s real


I can see you’re weakened at the seams
And trying to swim upstream but can’t find a way


So here we are again trying to hold back
The tides behind our eyes
Lucky ones trying to drink from both the wells we claim are dry
I guess I’ve found some freedom in
Embracing every time they pry


We’re both the same
You’re just like me”

The tears are rolling as I’m trying to sing along, and hit the back button again. I was reminded that I’ve been in this place, I’ve swam in this stream. I’ve been consumed by this fear and it’s sickening. For a moment I felt her pain and was crippled. I was in that moment and remembered my own fear. For a moment we were both the same.

“And when your skin finally sheds
You’ll find your nerves all in shreds
The price may be to keep your heart you’ll lose your head”

For me it took the physical act of shaving my head to keep my heart, to lose my fear (or some of it anyway) and lose my head or analyze less (ain’t gonna lie – not a lot less but I’m trying). I needed the reminded that I did this… I went through the work so that my skin could be shed. I made it out of the stream in one piece. I’m not sure what will happen to my friend. I am not sure of how things will turn out. She is barely at the river’s mouth and there are bears waiting in the water to catch her. What I am sure of is that she is not alone. No one should ever be alone doing battle with people that have evil inside. I know that she is loved and I have bear traps.

Oh, the song is The Odds by the band The Loved Ones…

a new year

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my fingers are slurring their words. There have been drinks and sleepless nights and friends in need and drives from one end of the state to the other. Nothing matters except the present moment. Live each present moment wisely and earnestly… That has been my motto for the last 6 or more years.

with music in the back ground is often how I get ideas to start what becomes a thoughtful or rantish post…. whatever the case may be. We all have our favorites, don’t lie, I hear the Eric Carmen blaring from the back bedroom. (turn the radio up for that sweet sound…) And you with the hairbrush, you are not ze greatest singer in ze vorld and neither is celine…

The last week U2 has been non stop on the mindpod. (You know where I’m going with this don’t you?) I am not a fan of the whole Pop-Mart era and I have friends who stopped listening after Rattle and Hum, but there was a bit of redemption with Elevation so I continue to listen. But the classics remain my favorites. Thus a song that was written almost 30 years ago for a new wife while on a vacay in the Caribbean that became an anthem for not only the reunification of Ireland (a constant theme) but for the Polish Solidarity movement as well, is coursing through my mind… my veins.

All is quiet on New Year’s Day.
A world in white gets underway.
I want to be with you, be with you night and day.
Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.
On New Year’s Day.

I prefer it to be a love song and thing that the New Year will start with just that… love. The only thing that will make the any other meaning real, is just that… love.

here we are now, in containers

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So I was listening to the radio while I puttered around the office this afternoon. And AC/DC came on with their classic Dirty Deeds. Not necessarily my favorite song but one that you hear all manner of random lyrics for… my personal favorite being dirty cheese and the thunder chief. This, of course, made me think of all those other songs people screw up all the time (songs I don’t even like that magically become funny because someone is singing the wrong words at the top of their lungs) like, Addicted to Love & Losing My Religion & Bennie and the Jets and on and on. Being the girl I am I had to see what was on line because I started thinking about all manner of crap like the afore mentioned Bennie and the Jets and how many times have I heard electric boobs?!? Boots people, BOOTS. I digress. I ended up finding a website: Kiss This Guy and spent the next too much time laughing my ass off. Holy crap! I love it! Yeah, I’m so gonna start using some of this stuff. I can’t decide my personal favorite so far…

Might as well face it you’re a dick with a glove (Addicted to Love – I laughed pretty good at this one)
Let’s pee in the corner, let’s pee in the spotlight (Losing my Religion – I know some people that would do this with or without religion)
I want a duck shaped like a triangle, you get me closer to bob (Closer – really? Someone heard this?)

I could go on and on… And I have to admit I used to crack up when my friend’s daughter would walk around singing dropping my guitar, droppin my guitar. It was cute. She was also the one that would sing “it’s getting hot in here, so cut off all your toes” hhhhmmmm. That’s disturbing. But I probably have to go with the misquote of the Manfred Mann Band song (Blinded by the Light) as my favorite. And I actually knew this before I found this website because I couldn’t bring myself to believe anyone would want to talk about being wrapped up like a douche. And what the hell does that mean anyway?? How do you wrap up a shower? Or what dude wants to handle the feminine cleansing item and “wrap it up”? None that I know. It’s revved up like a deuce. Just sharing. And that’s caring as we all know.

draw a circle around my heart

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Last night I went to a show with my brother. This isn’t the first time I’ve been to a show with him, but it’s the first time we’ve made plans in advance and the first time it wasn’t going just to support a friend. We went to see Circle Takes the Square. I really like them, their music, the feel, their lyrics. They are… well, amazing, brilliant really. My brother and I have very different taste in music, but when he played this band for me I had to hear more. They take you from loud screaming crashing mania to melodic heart wrenching melody back up to the highest height then into a chant or ending in a round. Fucking brilliant.

As much as I loved seeing them live, it wasn’t the show that left me with a full heart. I watched the people around me, drank them in and took in their positive energy. And then I saw my brother. We weren’t near each other at this point as I dance in my place absorbed in my world and my own observation. He, on the other hand, dances with abandon completely taken by what he is hearing. So I watched him as I listened and moved to the music. I was in awe… I had tears in my eyes and at first I couldn’t figure out why. They just flowed down my cheeks. It wasn’t the music or anything like that… it was the sight of my brother, my best friend so passionate and free. If you knew him the passion part is easy, the free… not so much. I left the venue with raw emotions and a renewed respect (not that I’d ever lost any) for my brother.

This freedom is what I want. I want a passion that makes me dance with abandon. I want to run forward and never look back. I want more tear because of nights like this…

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check out their lyrics