When you are already unsettled it really doesn’t take a whole lot to push you over the edge into completely unnerved. Of course it sometimes doesn’t take much to unnerve me in the first place but… I digress. I was having one of those days where I wasn’t in the most stable of happy place… my power animal was not guiding me into my cave and it certainly wasn’t telling me to glide. Might I just add an aside here… (thank you) I do not glide, ever. In fact it has been pointed out that if my life depended on it I could not sneak out and this is disturbing. I try to be light on my feet but no. It is not in me to glide about all fleet footed. I am envious of those models that look as though they are just getting from point a to point b without leaving the slightest footprint, whereas I walk steadily, heavily, not always sure footedly and I cannot… glide. pisser. But again, I digress. It started out kinda like a normal day, except the temperature had dropped about 20 degrees (I don’t recall giving permission for this). My schedule was a bit off, plans near the office after work, so I worked later. Ahhh. Plans. To plan. I am a planner. to a degree. I am not that girl that wants to know what I’m having for dinner each day for the next two weeks and has my shopping list arranged according to isle of the grocery store (don’t kid yourself.. I know these people and thus cannot be one of their kind). But I like to know if something is going to disrupt my already out of whack, nutty life. So know I have plans that are near my office, shortly after I am off work is good. It means I can just stay a bit later and save myself walking alone to and fro. in the dark. alone. Well, I did end up walking alone and not having the plans I thought I did. And being that I was already unsettled this didn’t sit well with me. See this, on top of the homeless-living-out-of-my-car-for-the-most-part thing, plus not really getting any good sleep, due to plumber and other assorted interruptions, over the weekend and a little sadness still from losing friends all added up to a big pile of well……. girl!!!! and frustrated, sadness. (tears, yes… I hate that my frickin tear ducts are connected somewhere I can’t unconnect and have no damn control over… I will find it someday and make a remote!!!)
So I actually did a good thing, I went to the gym. This is good right? You go take out your frustrations by exercising. Something like that. It started like that and I was feeling better. I was “running” on the crazy, suspended-in-mid-air no-impact gazelle looking contraption actually hurting my lungs with my new bluetooth headphones on (thank you very much bro) feeling like I might be killing some cells (hopefully the connecting ones) when some older dude kinda slowed down as he walked to the weight equipment to check out my legs. Okay, not so unusual… I was wearing short pants and have the better part of the left leg covered in crazy tattoo. (oh you thought I was thinkin I was hot… tsk!) whatever. I stopped and stretched and told myself I was not going to die and my lungs were not going to explode. (how the hell do people run??? really??? that fucking sucks. even without the jarring bone crunching impact of my feet striking the ground… my lungs felt like they were going to seriously explode) Then I got to my new favorite thing the rowwing maching. I love it! I am 10 minutes in when mr staring man is back, staring… again. This time waiting… waiting… looking at me trying to get me to pay attention to him. Okay now people… Did I mention the headphones? (thank you very much bro) Yes I did. These are not earbuds stuck in my canal. No, they are full size over the ear, could cover my head and people can totally hear what I am listening to (thank you very much bro ;-). You’d think this would indicate I am bsy, concentrating on the task at hand (5000 meters). Uh no. Apparently not. He’s mouthing something I don’t hear due to said loud music (Tool & Rise Against that day). It turned out to be
“can I ask you a question”?
“Sure”.
whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh….
“um, did that hurt”?
Are you kidding?!? I was interrupted for this?? Why does everyone insist on asking if it hurt?!? Jeezis! Someone is taking a tube of needles soldiered together and poking them repeatedly into your skin, while moving across said skin and depositing ink at the same time… in essence, cutting open the top layers of derma and depositing the ink underneath. hhhhhmmmm what do you think kids? of course it fucking hurts. To some degree or another it hurts. Maybe not as bad here as another place, and sometimes not at all, but overall… yes it fucking hurts. I’m sure I summarized all this in a 2 second look. So I replied…
“if it didn’t it wouldn’t have been any fun, and I wouldn’t have gotten it”.
Then I replaced my headphones and thought about what I was going to do next to rid myself of the frustration that reformed… damnit.
It got better. I slept on it and talked it out with amazing man. But unsettled is bad. Those damn ducts are still connected. Thankfully, however, I am getting daily closer to settled. I will move in to my own pad soon and my car will no longer be my closet… which is good because my heel slook better on me.
There is really nothing to complain about. Work is good. No one sucks and no one has their panties in a bunch (totally). My boss is chill and the horror stories I heard I have yet to see (which doesn’t mean they don’t exist, I just haven’t seen them) I really have nothing to say yet. Well, except maybe just one thing… if my last name was nutter, I’d totally change it. I’m just sayin. That’s just bad. so, so bad. (hard to keep a straight face – you laughed too… admit it!)
