double clutching

I’m so tired. I’m having a really bad hair day. I am going to prep for the nephew’s birthday party and then to dinner. This means time with my mom and sister in high stress situation with no down time. I love my mama, don’t get me wrong, but I’m quite certain it’s “‘bout that time eh?” – “right oh, then”. She still listens and talks and stuff but you can never predict when the hormone level is gonna go from first to fifth gear without the clutch. And right now is no picnic with my sister. She’s having a rough go topped with a layer of stress, frosted with PMS. I can handle her alone when she’s like this. It’s a very good time actually, a time of self revelation for her. I listen, she screams, I listen, she yells, I listen, she is sorry she’s been grumpy and tells me why, I tell her I didn’t notice, we laugh, discuss the real issue, I talk, she listens, we discuss…. It’s a good system. Sometimes there’s even resolution. But when the three of us are all together, a cloud sort of hangs over. I withdraw a bit. There is not enough energy for three type a’s to act type a at the same time so someone or two need to know to step back and leave extra for the others. There aren’t always two. Sometimes there’s a lot of clutchless shifting. And gear grinding. And some back firing on occasion. (I’ll admit there are times I don’t digress… bad, bad, bad idea. I am not a mother, but god damnit if I don’t forget that on occasion)
I think I’ll hug it out. I’m gonna get there and give big hugs all around. I’m gonna take my bad hair day havin, tired, dumpy feelin, shower needin (Shut it, I’m wearing deodorant), and hug it the fuck out. This is a night of prep for a kids party. This is not about us and our issues. It’s about him. And he is the coolest kid ever.