jammin on the one

As the other white meat and I sat dabbing at our bleeding ears and wiping our eyes from all the laughing; it dawned on me that the reason the flag had thrown up on everyone was Labor Day! I’d been wondering if I had been wandering around in a drunken stupor for an entire summer and missed the 4th. Great Gus people! Who decided that making a skin tight mock tank out of a flag would look hot??? Well maybe Bubba, but since he was quick to share that he didn’t graduate that’s a clue of the man you’re gonna get. I think there is a whole grip of people that think holiday = rally time for team ‘merica (fuck yeah!). Wasn’t Labor Day originally (I say originally because, as most holidays have, its lost its true meaning) intended as a day to celebrate labor unions and workers rights? Now I guess it’s become a time for someone to sing Lee Greenwood way too loud and reeeallly off key. But she was sure to put emphasis at the end of every line my stomping her foot. (oh god bless the usa, and shake that tambourine) I think she was far more fun when she was doing some sort of country river dance thing without her shoes on (as if the outfit wasn’t bad enough on its own I had to watch the kmart feet jumping around the floor too!!) Where was I before my mad digression into “how the holidays have morphed”.. Oh yeah… so there I was, performing to perfection my favorite sport… Karejokey people watching! I honestly don’t think there is a better was to pull yourself out of a dumpy mood, short of leaving dead fish under the seat in your ex’s truck on a hot summer day. Oh wait, I’d never do such a heinous thing…. >: ) You can find every type of person in a dive bar that has a karaoke night on Sunday. All sorts of folks just want their 5 minutes in the spotlight…big-boobie blondie lookin for her kryptonite to deal with the earth movin under superman’s feet. Her heart was a lonely hunter… still trying to figure out what she was hunting exactly. My vote was for cougar bait for her friends birthday. But that friend slid right out of the booth and onto the floor so the bait and boobs were wasted. Leisure Suit Larry was trying desperately to have his way with Mrs. Brown’s daughter. She’s a firecracker. I think this dude hot tub time machined his way here 1978. Toothless Joe, who was incidentally waiting for a very important call on his bluetooth, but not so important he couldn’t ride dirty with some sweet young thang. The fully punk-rock, bar back that blew my mind when the country twang Clint Black started, was joined on the harmony by the karejokey mc, who had interjected himself every few songs but was lip-syncing at least part of the time (POSER!) wasn’t half bad. Mr. Tambourine man who got his license to bring that thing with him from the farm supply where he picked up his flag shirt, kept playing anytime he thought he should – whether the singer agreed or not. Someone else got a ticket to ride with his best friend’s wife, right after Alice found the white rabbit hiding beside the pool table and stole his fabulous shoes! I think his wife got pissed though because she and the best friend proceeded to make our ears bleed and some dogs started howling outside. Bar-Back gave a rebel yell in true William Broad fashion, while smoking outside the front door of the bar. Mr Brightside poured some sugar on me and she felt like a criminal wearin some hot shoes, then fell down and went boom. Finally, after making my immortal ears bleed it hurt so good that a drunk chic stole my bar stool. But meh, I got to have a friendly “discussion” about racism and politics. You know how I like light conversation… now where is Simon when I need him.