knee deep, maybe

It’s a funny perspective you get when you read your own journal. If you are someone like me, the first thing you do is catch all the grammatical errors you’ve made. Then you laugh and cry at the things you’ve written. This time I wasn’t reading my blog or my writing but the journal. They say you can’t go back, but maybe sometimes you should. I was reminded of angers and hurts over things that weren’t mine to be angry and hurt over. During a time when I was struggling with my own issues of title-waves and boundary dodging, self-worth and self gratification I was taking up what precious little sanity and energy I had worrying for someone else over a problem that is nowhere near mine to solve. In fact it may never be solved. I was talking to a mentor one day about some stress and issues, she kindly and calmly said “don’t take his shit on as your own”. This doesn’t sound that big but she never, ever swore and it caught me off guard. That was her point. To this day I still “take his shit on as my own”. I can read my journal and see the improvement, but it’s still there. The shit. Sometimes you have to go back to pick up the waders you left behind so you can get out of the muck you’re currently in. I went and got my waders. I’m even practicing putting them on. It helps that they’re pink… but you probably knew that.