one dollar hey seus

If you hear “how bizzaaa, how bizaaaa…  how bizaaa, how bizaaaa” then the stylish croonings of “just you and I-I-I, sharing our dreams together” followed by “take it eeesay, take it e-e-esay, don’t let the sound of your own wheels drive you crazy. Lighten up while you still can, don’t even try to understand… just find a place to make your stand and take it eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesay.” All in succession you can only be listening to one thing (and no it is not one of my schizophrenic mixed cd’s but thank you for playing) that’s right campers…… you are enjoying the smooth stylings of the Dollar Tree Radio Network.  I made a foray into my beloved dollar store this weekend with my girl (she too has a dollar store addiction that is borderline obsession – it runs in her family I think) and found a myriad of amazing items, that I can see purchasing under one roof (there is a Tarjet and a Wally for these things) but for the low, low price of one American dollar????? I don’t know – I just don’t see it.  And the high end merchandise we encountered was enough to amaze even the staunchest skeptic of the dollar store virtue.  In addition to the radio network (which by-the-by they throw in for free!!!) you have the shamrock section, the left over hearts section and the we heart jesus section.  Now this is in addition to their usual jesus area for the patron that must have their jesus fix at times of year other than easter.  This brings me to the point of my little jaunt (little being 25 miles and a climate zone) the jesus candle.  All of the other amazing items we found were a bonus.  We were on the hunt for the jesus candle.  I don’t think you can ever have enough protection in case of tsunami or zombie apocalypse so we needed a few. Besides, multi-colored columnar candles with patron saints of whatever or the sacred heart of jesus on them…. Is there anything better to light your evening?? That’s what I thought.  Since the dollar tree’s closer to us have a wealth of said candles we just assumed (I know, I know) the one we were about to hit would too. But no. Not a one to be found anywhere in the store and the workers had no effing clue what we were talking about. I am refraining from the stereotype I could insert at this moment but good god people, how do you not know what we’re talking about when we describe in great detail what we are looking for???  I can’t read half the candle due to being language challenged and you can. Find me a damn candle. It took some random customer overhearing telling the employee in the language on the candle mind you, for him to get it.  (He had previously shown us dinner table taper candles and tealights – I think he is “the re’tard” to which Zach Galifanakis refers in the Hangover.) This boy was not that bright.  So after our disappointment we continued to browse the isles finding such amazing delights we almost forgot the fact that our candles were mia.  First there was the 2 pack of disposable douches – in case you aren’t feeling fresh times two or you want to share with a friend.  Then there was the cans of “potted meat”.  Literally the cans (the size of those little liverwurst tins) said potted meat and didn’t specifically list what meat(s) on the ingredients or where said meat products may come from on whatever animal of origin they originated. I think this is yet another reason to be protected by jesus candles – which they didn’t have.  Then there were the two pack (I’m sensing a theme in the feminine product isle) pregnancy tests. I don’t know about you, but I would be frightened of a pregnancy test purchased at the dollar store. I have no problem with free condoms but dollar store prego testing is a no go.  All in all we ended up being entertained (mostly by the staff) and bringing back a wealth of easter materials for my roommate who is not in any way shape or form religious.  Also we scored some sweet St. Patty’s beer steins.  I’m not ready to call it a win but it wasn’t a loss either… we shared our dreams together.