My mindPod is on the next level up from party shuffle. I feel like I have ADD and I turned around and can’t find my bike. There are so many possibilities that it’s completely overwhelming. I want to do everything. I want to go everywhere. I want to be all the things I never got a chance to be. So many days spent living in fear and sadness and frustration and repression and feet planted firmly in sand that held me like concrete.
When I was little, we’re talking ten maybe, I was fearless. The next door neighbor girl (who like to talk to my bro about her waddus) had a Honda Elite scooter at her house. It wasn’t hers of course, but she was gonna ride it. And if she was, damnit! so was I. And I did, right down the driveway onto the road for one of many road rashes I would have over the next few summers. I rode a bmx (my bmx until it was stolen) to the river bank and tooled around lookin for whatever. I Yanked my little sister from bushes and practiced cussing. (I hadn’t learned the ways of the pirate just yet..) I even clocked a boy in the face and got him suspended for three days. Those were the days before I learned about the big bad wolf and mean people that aren’t mean with fists. That was back before I did my time with the devil and learned that there are places you can hurt you didn’t know you had, but no one has to be near you. After that I didn’t realize it, but fear has become a constant companion. What!?! Recoculous. I have a huge personality and a desire to learn about everything. It’s time I spread out my dreams & desires map, close my eyes and pick a place to start. It occurs to me I have a brother with eleventeen different real scooters over the years, and my last bf rides a sportbike… have I ever (minus my elite trip down the driveway) ridden a bike solo? No. And I’m a girl that’s pretty much one of the dudes… Fuck that, it’s time. Life is to short for me to leave bits and pieces of mine all over the place and have nothing to show in return. I will not wait in fear for life to look at me from the window as it passes me by… I’m hoppin on the train.
“I still find each day too short for all the thoughts I want to think, all the walks I want to take, all the books I want to read, and all the friends I want to see.” ~John Burroughs
