Dear weather chick (for those not keeping up I fired the dude this summer – pay attention, jeziz!),
You may as well pack up all the little bikinis you got this summer to impress the friendlies you picked up at the beach and tell all the hot little boy toys from the college crowd good bye because I’m sending you back to wherever the hell it is you came from. I distinctly remember having a conversation with you over why the last guy was fired and it being because we live here on the beautiful coast of California. We expect moderate temperatures and beautiful sunny weather most of the year. Sadly we realize the Fresnecks and Bacos come along with this, but it is a sacrifice we are willing to make for the quality of life and weather we love here. You have failed miserably by letting your blond roots grow in (I specified red head for a reason) and letting the thermostat drop to a ass chilliling 30 degrees…. bringing frosty and his band of merry rolly-pollies to my town. What was it I told you…. Skirts! I wear skirts and it is not fun to put on a skirt then walk outside and freeze your already non-existent ass off in 30 degree temperatures. I don’t know who paid you off but rest assured they will pay back in triplicate when I find them. I have some frost bitten toes and other appendendages that will require creams and massaging…. good thing I’m not part of the fat frizzy hare briggade!
Enjoy your new home in east-jeziz nowhere and the cold that you take with you for the next six months. I, on the other hand, will be finding Juan-Carlos to do my weather up Cabo style. He will be happy enough to be near me that he won’t fuck up like the rest of you have.
Best of luck little Windy Weather,
Sars
PS, Begging is not becoming and you no you cannot take any of the little poly boys with you to keep warm. And… No you can’t ask my bartenders how to make drinks properly and if you even think about Jameson where you are I will know it and send an ugly, evil, crazy bartender of the daytime to make you all the nasty things he has learned in his tenure just to watch you puke for his own ienjoyment. Stay Classy, I mean it, because you really aren’t that big of a deal….
