Ranting, ranting, wait for it… I know I’ve said it before and will probably say it a few more times (because I live in a damn college town) but seriously.. uggs?? Ladies, what is with wearing the fucking uggs as everyday footwear with cloths that that do not belong on the tundra. I was sitting at my new favorite hang out (probably because a girlfriend of mine can watch basketball in 8 feet of gloriousness and I have 15 beers on tap to choose from) and this little girlie walks by wearing pj shorts, a nice linen tunic style blouse, a scarf (kinda bohemian style) and beat down uggs. What!?! Beyond the why are you wearing shorts and small dead animals, why are you wearing your pajamas to a bar??? Did your parents teach you nothing?? Then we have the table next to us where the douchebaggery was overwhelming and the girls shared 10 brain cells between them. 3 out of 5 wearing something completely lame with their color coordinated (or not) uggs. One of them was wearing some sort of tennis dress, maybe she had played tennis.. but she shouldn’t have been wearing the dress and the uggs did not help. Oh, when did sweater condoms make a come back?? You know those sweaters that are kinda tight, off the shoulders, that look like you have to put it on your head and roll it down…is that cute? My distaste for uggs is not new. I can keep going but I’ll spare you.
And now for something completely different… as you know I pour beer on Wednesdays. This keeps me from killing people that walk though the door at my regular job and hand me fly pupae that they found in their carpet. It keeps me from actually turning into that friend that talks to you about the weird shit she saw that wasn’t actually there (okay, okay… lowrider dreams do not count. Shut up.) I like Wednesdays. I’ve met some super chill people and it’s the night I know for sure I will get to hang out my favorite car encyclopedia, thus ensuring an answer to any question I may have about a 1964 MGB. Even more gravy is his wife comes and I love her… she is amazing. Then on top of that is the music. It really doesn’t get better in an all around package to make your mid-week good. Last night however, could have exploded into psychosis on a stick. When you are a beer-tender (haha) and you step behind the bar there are two things you just assume will be there: beer and glasses. Nothing else matters really. People will forgo food if you give them beer and they’ll forgive it taking a long time if you come around with a pitcher of “look I happen to have this hangin around, let me top you off”. And since I serve mostly the same crowd they understand that I’m going to come by and swipe their empty glass (sometimes when they don’t even notice) and bring it back full (like magic). They do not understand I’m out of beer. It’s a fucking brewery. The people that do not come in every week don’t get we only have pale. They also don’t get why it takes 45 minutes for a plate of nachos. I don’t get 45 minutes for nachos. Last night I had to hunt for glasses and send a youngling customer (thank god she’s a regular and friend and wanted her beer for free) to the liquor store to fortify my pale with 22’s of guiness. You can make the pale you fear running out of last a bit longer when you turn it into a black and tan. How do you run a business this way?? I seem to be repeating myself. I believe I’ve asked this before! It’s good that I don’t do this job for money. I certainly don’t make tips from anyone new that comes in because if it were me… I’d realize that while it wasn’t the servers fault, it sucked. 50 cents is a lousy tip when you’ve done all you can to make someone happy and it’s totally out of your control. My own mom came in for the first time and it was a good damn thing I was there and it was my place. My mom is one of those “burn my meat” people. Her burger was bleeding and she almost hurled at the table… so she sent it back to be cooked some more. She was easy and didn’t ask for a new one, just cook it and bring it back to me. Try explaining this to the stoned, drunk mother fucker that has taken over cooking and fucked up the flow of my evening. It took ten minutes to convince him to just cook it and not make a new one. She’ll be mad if you make a new one and there are other people waiting for food. He finally relinquished and it came back still under-cooked and my mom was very gracious. I’ve seen her lose her patience and walk out. I was feeling lucky. Overall, I had a good night. I washed two loads of pint glasses so I had enough, my fabulous friend brought me the guiness so black and tans were poured with precision, my mystery texts were solved (and laughed about heartily) and my mom got a couple free glasses of wine, so all’s well in the end.
Sometimes though, ya just gotta rant. I can think of other things… the idiots talking about politics like they knew something but you could tell they read headlines and that was it. Or the two drunk guys that felt the need to tell the two girls at the table how to play dominoes, conveniently leaving the boy out, even though I (girl)was kicking his ass. Or that one of those guys is working at a very precision job that could affect thousands of lives… in 5 hours as he staggers away smashed off his ass. Or the wealth of idiot drivers I encountered on my way to work this morning. But, I’ve done my bit. I have good things to say. Happy things to come. But don’t kid yourself, there will be some spice in my stew.