ribbon awareness ribbons

I should probably not be driving today. I was minding my own business when the stupid drivers all congregated in one spot and made me all flustered. First there was the stoplight I sat through twice because the lady in front of me decided it just wasn’t time to turn. She had three of those magnet ribbons on her car. I remember when it was new to wear an red ribbon, a small red ribbon, on your lapel to signify your support for AIDS research. In smalltown USA people would look at you and assume you were gay or that you “had the HIV” if you wore one… at least at first. Then pink ribbons for breast cancer and that was cool. But this, this is recoculous. You’ve got every color of the rainbow and the rainbow itself. Support research for everything. Brain disorders, cancer, saving energy in NIGERIA, mental disabilities, sexual abuse, pro-life, animal free, anarchy and my personal favorite the ta-ta’s. There is even a ribbon to end chain email (the color of bull shit no less, and I’m not even kidding. I couldn’t make this up!). Anyhow, apparently the light turned red and she decided that while it was unsafe to turn left, it was safe to have 1/3 of your car out in the intersection. Brilliant. I think I’ll buy a silver ribbon just for her. Then another lady (women… you aren’t making me feel very empowered by my sex here. Your driving skills are lacking) and I are in the intersection, I am going straight and she is turning left. Thus, I have the right of way. So in her brilliance she decides to go, but then stop when the light turns red. I am already giving her the death stare because she has caused me to have to stop short, lest I allow her canyonarrow to squish my little car. Now I am actually yelling (as if she could hear me while air-conditioning in the beautiful 70 degree coastal weather) and saying go, dumb ass, because we’re blocking the fucking intersection! It helped you know, the yelling, I think I made my point (that I am a road-raging idiot?!?) I’m just thankful no one yelled at me (that I could hear). And then while headed back another ribbon clad, SUV came millimeters from ramming it’s grill up my bumper. As he (yes he this time… teenager in Dad’s car) passes by he looked at me and mouths… “go faster”. Wow. I’m wondering how many tickets his parents have paid for. The best part, I was going 40 in a 35. So the rest of the day I will think happy thoughts and come up with my own ribbon campaign to end ribbon campaigns. Does ribbon come in the color of baby poo? That would be fitting I think. Because all the little magnetic ribbons you put on your car can’t take the place of actually doing something.

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